Of the Ages

  

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Cravings

fuck fresh air.

i crave the fog
of nicotine,
and the skin diseased,
soak rattling
stench of used
booze bottles.

Strewn all over my one room floor,
along with crumpled,
baseball sized
emotions thrown away
like used condoms.

fuck going outside.

the truth is exposed
underneath wounds.
staring down the barrel
of my .44 caliber
im reminded of the shit stain
i left
when leaning over the edge to find out
what was left of my past life.
at that moment i realized
i cant change.

these moments of suicide-
all alone and bleeding,
staring at a white wall
soaked in gun powder,
is when im awake
and conscious.

when the sun finally rises,
the prison i live in
is still darkened–
too afraid to wake up
and find my tombstone.

One Day As a Lion

One day as a lion,
I will betray you in my name.
Only in happiness
am I powerless.
At the expense of this fire,
I hold the cost of my desire.
Caged when I am ill,
the agents who hold the key
lack the eyesight to this plight.
Begging to be set free
only to be laughed at,
I am thrown six feet deep.

Raising my fist as I march around,
holding onto what I believe.
The day will come when
I am let go and I am able to
blister my enemies
with stories of these
chains I have burnt
just to be me.

Lifting Myself Up

Surrounded by weak minds
without moxie-
who cave to the sun when
the darkness holds
the clouds from crying.

I watch them weave
their souls underneath broken pines.
Drinking away their lives
made from swine.

Hidden under the covers at night,
the light I seek only comes when
I’m in flight-
deep within my mind
hoping I can fly.

My pale skin
burns against the sun
as the waves tear open
my fragile heart
standing against the wind
leaving me entombed
under the sea.
The clear waters
that have ravished my soul,
mourns the past
and present.

Being alone
has torn me apart-
treating me badly.
Laying stifled in a fog,
desperate to forget this life,
I realize there is only one.

So don’t. My mind is told.
Don’t let go
so easily of the make-shift tie
wrapped around my neck
in the tragedy of leaves.

Work Ethic

Moving my mind
miles away
seems a more arduous task
than what my body can take.
Being beaten without light–
in complete darkness,
I shudder with laughter
at the thought of my
tormentors.

There is nothing left for me,
for I have already lived a thousand lives
in total madness and
without a heart you can feel.

My demons have already torn me apart,
so making me stand hours on end
will only make me smile.

Until I am left all alone,
I will not shed one single tear.
They can bend me anyway they desire,
but they will never break me
for I have already tasted my bones
when I was hungry.